I woke early this morning. It was still dark with light around the edges... suited my mood. I was going to an important meeting at church this morning and I needed my soul to settle. So I slipped out of bed and went to my Bible. It fell open to my favorite Psalm, Psalm 27. "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?... I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; yea, wait for the Lord!"
As far back as I can remember, these words have sustained me. When I was frightened as a child, when I was struggling as a teenager, when my first husband was killed in Viet Nam, when my sister died, when my children were hurt, when I waited in the hospital waiting room while Michael’s heart received a stent, when my daddy died, when my grandchildren were born, these ancient words, written on my heart, held me fast. They are my promise from God, my safe hiding place, my call to hope... I do believe I have seen and will see again the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. My faith in the One I cannot see is the source of all my life’s work.
Several of you have kindly responded to yesterday’s writing reminding me of ways I have mattered to you. Thank you for that. I do know my life has had meaning and worth. My droughts come but they also leave and soft spirit brings moisture and growth to my soul again. I am, as I age, trying to listen more carefully to my soul and to God, to pay attention to the meaning of my life and to live into being fully me as I was created to be.
It is not easy and it shouldn’t be easy. Nothing that really matters is ever easy. God may have been able to create the world quickly and easily but what a handful we have turned out to be! The creative process, the "aha-ness" of calling into being is always preceded by a time of darkness (or drought). The image of the Lord as light reminds me that darkness is necessary for light to shine. When I see light glimmering around the edges of my soul, it is a sign to me. The Day Star is still close by me. I can wait, rest, know that darkness is not the final answer... the Light is.
The temptation is believing I will never see the goodness of the Lord again in the land of the living. My head knows that is not true but my heart is a little slow to believe that. Faith.. Grace... Love... Hope... come to keep me company while I wait. And I remember all the faces of God in my past and present who were and are the goodness of the Lord for me. You are lamps and light on my path. I give thanks for your sharing of your lights with me.
In Ephesians1:18 is a life giving image for me... having the eyes of your heart enlightened that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you...I am praying for heart’s eyes that can see light in the midst of darkness... for heart’s eyes that can see hope... for heart’s eyes that help me see my calling in a new way... for goodness in the land of the living. Thanks be to God.
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1 comment:
So nice to have you back. Summers and growing often consume us--leaving little time to write. But the fall is upon us and I hope we will see more of your writing.
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