Do I or don't I?

I have had two rather vigorous responses to my writing recently and they have both been pulling at me. One response was from someone I do not know in the flesh, and one I know but I don’t know. What an interesting paradox. The first person’s comment affirmed the presence of God for her in my writing and how my life parallels hers. The second person challenged my writing, my theology and my method of thinking. Both of them scare me to death. I have seen too many people, who in sharing their journeys and struggles, become icons and prophets before their own time. Preachers, lay leaders, men and women, educated and uneducated... those who had a special gift of some kind who began to believe too much in themselves... or more commonly, perhaps, others who began to believe too much in them... all of those gifted people I knew have struggled with how to remain true to their own calling while being open to challenge and affirmation in equal measure. Too much affirmation believed leads to an old proverb my grandma quoted often... Pride goeth before a fall. Too much negation believed leads to another old proverb Grandma loved... If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Here is my dilemma.
I do believe I have a gift for writing. It feeds my soul everyday in some way even when nothing visible is produced. If no one else ever read what I wrote, writing would still be my gift. But gifts given have a price tag. Sometimes all that is required is a simple "thank you". Often, however, more is required and that is where I find myself now. Some of you have been breathing down my neck, pushing me, kicking my rear saying send this to someone and publish it. You do not know how hard it was and is for me still, to commit my soul to words on paper and then set them free to float in the web world. It is a risk of monumental proportions to open this small window up and let you know even the tiny part of me you see in my written words. The thought of going from a small open attic window on the back side of the house to a picture window in the living room terrifies me. I also have to wonder if God is showing up and I am not listening. And if God is in this (that is a very big "if" for my introverted soul) I won’t get to the Promised Land of Publishing by simply wishing for it.
My mystic self says "Wait and the way will be made clear" or maybe that is my faithless, lazy, scared to death self. My soul self says "Get on with it and cast your brand of bread on the waters". My ADD self is overwhelmed at the thought of organizing, editing and presenting my work. My friend Janet and I started to work on this and my "push-me-pull-you" deficiencies brought us to a slow crawl. My friend Celeste, who has believed in me since the day she met me, is now on the Publishing Bandwagon and God help me, Celeste is a force. My time of waiting may be drawing to a close.
I am asking you for two things, one seen and one unseen. First, I ask for your prayers. Pray that I will be able to clearly discern the Way I am to go and then pray that I might have the necessary gumption to get up and walk. Pray that I will know clearly what I am to do. Like Gideon, I am looking for a fleece, soggy wet one day on dry ground, and dry on wet ground the next. Like Gideon, I tend to get picky about my signs and need multiple manifestations to point me in the way I should go. I do not need your assurances that my writing has value (or not) in order to have an answer to this prayer. All the responses I receive are welcome but they are not fleeces. The biggest fleece of all is the clear sense of call to do this (for me) hard thing.
The second thing I need is your experience with book writing. Some of you have already published books. My friend Nina wrote a book about her faith life many years ago and it is one of the books I return read, visiting her words, remembering our friendship and giving thanks that her faith journey includes me. Tell me what you know, what you learned, what you wish you had done and what you are glad you did. This is a foreign land for me and I need all the maps I can find. Be my travel guides, please, and share with me the tales of your trips to Promised Land of Publishing.
One of the hard learned lessons in my life has been the value of vulnerability, a soul risking way to live. It is the only way we can become transparent to one another. I am trying in my sixties to risk more, share more, be more, do more with my peculiar gifts. I am hoping the Holy One, God Incarnate, Sweet Jesus, and Holy Spirit shine through me as the thick clay walls that contain my Spirit are transformed into a translucent porcelain. I am praying that I may become more of the self God has called me to be as I age and less of who I think I ought to be. Being, becoming, doing, and speaking because I was first loved into being by the Love that knows no end. Thanks be to God... and to you.