Spring wretchedness...

Spring melancholy... It seems like a contradiction in spirit, to be slightly sad during a season of unbounded overflowing blooming birdsong joy. But, there it is, a fine mist that blurs the edges and settles in the valley of the soul. Fall and winter melancholy seems rational. Leaves are dying, light is fading, cold and darkness are increasing. The contrast in the outer world and the inner world is more startling and unsettling in the spring.
I forget that walking through the valley of the shadow of death with friends and family takes its toll. The twilight of grief is lightened some by the season. Resurrection is ablaze all around us in creation’s expansive glory. The contrast between my sputtering soul lamp and the bright sunrising season also heightens my awareness of loss and grief.
It doesn’t help that the taxman cometh in the spring. For those who are self employed and must pay the government without the comfort of a benefits package or a housing allowance, the month is cleft in twain with before and after... anxiety about what the bill will be before and weak kneed relief or fear after the final tally is in.
The monkey grass is running amok in the flower beds as monkeys are wont to do. The grass has brown bald patches. The weeds seem to be springing up all over the place with dandelions leading the charge. Spring pruning waits for no one’s schedule to lighten up and I am behind the eight ball. Gardens must be plowed and pastures bush hogged in preparation for the growing season.
How do I find rest for my weary soul? How can I not just rest but find the deep flowing well of bubbling up joy again? Where are the buds of soulfulness breaking through the crusted over winter hardened soil in my heart? Who can help me?
You wouldn’t expect to find the answers to those questions in the book of Numbers but there it is. The eleventh chapter tells the story of Moses wearing out taking care of his people. They had been in the wilderness awhile and the shine had worn off freedom as boredom with manna set in. So Moses had a “Come to Jesus Meeting” with God and put it straight. “I am not able to carry all this people alone, the burden is too heavy for me. If thou wilt deal thus with me, kill me at once... that I may not see my wretchedness.” This was especially amazing since Moses is described as the meekest man on the face of the earth (Numbers 12). The Lord’s response was immediate and practical. God instructed Moses to gather a group of elders together. God would down and take some of the spirit which was upon Moses and put it upon them. That burden would then be shared and Moses would no longer carry the weight of leadership alone.
So there it is... the answer to the spring melancholy or any other struggle of the soul. Tell it to Jesus and God, then tell it to your elders and friends. Share your spirit so that you might no longer wander in the wilderness alone. Gather together, hold hands, hug, let your spirit rest in the loving embrace of a resurrection God who bings our worlds back to life after death. Smell the flowers, breathe the soft air, feel the wind, get wet in the warm rain, walk in the mud and give thanks for all the seasons of the soul. We are not alone.