Lent and Lawsuits

One way to ruin Lent is to be involved in a lawsuit. Four years ago, a local developer scraped the vegetation off a high hill upstream from us. He did not have adequate erosion control measures in place. When the rains came, a wall of red clay mud came rolling down Dark Hollow Creek, filling our pond and eroding the creek banks, washing away the gravel in our road and flooding our basement, undercutting the spillway of the pond and killing the fish. For four years we have lived with the ugly results of this man’s carelessness. A once lovely little pond filled with fish, turtles, ducks and geese, herons and frogs has lain silent. When it rains it becomes a bog, wet dirt that sucks you under if you walk on it.
This lawsuit, this attempt to force the man to do what is right, to restore what he destroyed, has required my focus and attention. Everyday I wake up thinking about what I must do today, what has been asked of me by the attorneys. Out of the four partners in our farm family, I am the only one available for this job. Michael and Tim must work at their full time jobs. Jeannie has a family crisis that demands her presence in another city. So Tuesday, I sat in a room with four lawyers and a court reporter, sworn to tell the truth and nothing but the truth so help me God, about our pond and its ruination.
It was a sobering nerve wracking experience. How do you tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth four years of pain and suffering later? How can I describe what driving by that scab on the wound of the pond that once was has done to my soul? The anger and frustration and disappointment have scarred my soul these past few years. And now I get to revisit all those feelings of anger and grief and frustration and rage again. I get to sit in the same room with the developer next Monday for mediation in hopes that a settlement can be reached.
Somehow I need to find a settlement for my soul this Lenten season. The pond lawsuit will end and our pond will be restored. It will gleam again, offer the sounds of spring peepers and bullfrogs, provide a soft landing for ducks and geese who fly in for a nights rest and morning breakfast, be home to large mouth bass jumping for joy. My soul will find its resting place as I journey through Lent looking for ways to dig out the muck, rebuild the banks that contain the living water of the Spirit that flows through the Dark Hollow Creek of my life. Reading the Bible, pondering the story, focusing on those truths which will lead me to new light and new life, holding myself accountable for all that has been done and undone, I walk towards Holy Week in the knowledge that we all fall short of the glory of God. Help me, Dear One, to forgive myself and the developer so that I might let go of all that separates me from you. Keep me balanced between the clarity of judgement and the comfort of mercy so that I might see myself as You see me, beloved and forgiven. Amen.