Ladies Aid to the Rescue...

We are continually borne by others. Therefore, willingly or unwillingly, we are perpetually in debt to God and to the whole creation. Mary Shiedler

I was miserable... lonely and lost, in Louisville. We had moved from a place I loved dearly and Michael was immersed in his new job as a professor at the seminary. He was starting a new center for family ministry as well as teaching. His days were filled with meaningful work and travel. I was at home with three children, one of whom was a depressed and angry teen. Our home was lovely, our neighborhood was full of nice people and lots of children, we rejoined the church where we met and were married, I volunteered in the schools, worked in the church, did part time work, went to therapy to work on my mixed up self and still felt lonely.
Michael was feeling lonely, too, so as a present for him, I gave him a Brotherhood. I called a group of men together at our house for an evening of food, fun and fellowship. I introduced the evening, served the food and then said, “You are on your own. If you want to keep this going, plan it yourselves.” They did. All the time we lived in Louisville, they met every month at the same restaurant (the same one frequented by Thomas Merton) creating the ties that bind and sustain.
I created a Ladies Aid for myself... five women whom I had known for years, some better than others. We were dedicated to eating in every restaurant on Bardstown Road at least once. Over shared meals, soaking in Eleanor’s hot tub one snowy evening, sharing the bread and wine of true communion, we shared one another’s burdens. One in our group was a widow trying to find her way back to a new kind of life. One was a contemporary gospel music performer who had moved to Louisville so her husband could teach at the seminary. Another was a professor at the medical school and a social worker rounded out the lot of us. Three of us had children still at home. All of us were members of the same church. Two of us were married on the same day, years apart. None of us had a perfect life and all of us had burdens we were bearing. It took awhile for the shields to drop but when they did, it was a relief to discover someone was standing beside us helping to hold us up.
Yesterday was my birthday and I gave myself the present of another Ladies Aid. Last night we met at a local restaurant in West Asheville. Gathered around the table, we began the getting to know you dance. We have known each other for years but not on a regular basis. The Vermont Rules were our guiding light... no talking about work, children, money or parents after the first ten minutes. Once members of the same church, we are now scattered with some still at the same church where we met. It doesn’t matter. What I need is a place to be with women who matter to me and to whom I matter. I don’t know how this group will come together. Maybe a few more will join and a few will drop out. Over the long haul, with the passage of time, a center will emerge and will hold us together like the gravity that plants our feet on the ground. Our roots will sink deep into one another’s lives and our branches will intertwine holding us up during storms.
One of my daughters has her version of a Ladies Aid group in her church. They came to the farm for a weekend retreat recently. I loved listening to them laugh, tell church stories, talk about their lives and watched as they took a break from their work-a-day worlds together. They go to movies, take road trips, eat out, work together, care for one another’s children and live their lives knowing there is a group of friends who will drop everything to come to their aid.
We are continually borne by others even if we appear to be self sufficient. Our outward selves rarely reflect the whole of who we are underneath. Only when we are in a safe place, a place where we know we loved no matter what, can we find traces of God as we let our masks drop to the floor, revealing the terrible awful wonder and need of being fully human. It is a gift and a crucifixion all bound up together. Listening and loving one who is different from me, who makes choices I would not make, who struggles with life situations that are foreign to me, trying to hear the soul speaking through the mouth of the woman who sits at my table not just the words... this is the hard work of being Christian, called to love others as I love God and myself. And if I show up, make myself available, do the work, I will find love and life and laughter in abundance as I am freed and free others to become their own true creation.
We are meeting again in two weeks to help Mary Beth put her Christmas Village (metropolis, actually) together for the holidays. We may try her crustless pizza recipe for our communion meal.Holler if you want to come.