A lady with a capital L

She was a lady with a capital “L”. Whenever and wherever she was, her first response to you was unfailingly gracious. She made you feel special and welcome and you wanted to be who she saw you to be. Visits with Pauline Oates soothed jangled nerves and smoothed out the rough edges.
Every Halloween we would take Megan dressed up in her costume to Wayne and Pauline Oates house for trick or treating. Pauline would come to the door and greet Megan, admiring her costume. She had a way of bringing out the best behavior in children and adults. We would have some “refreshments” served always on her best china because guests were special. Then we would be on our way feeling graced.
As an adult, one of Megan’s first jobs was in the medical school program Wayne had begun for ministers, pastoral counselors and chaplains. The completion of this circle was Pauline’s presence at Megan’s wedding and wedding reception. She stayed until the dancing ended and the we began to clean up, a smiling benediction presence for us all.
Pauline loved hats and wore them whenever there was an opportunity. She knew I shared that love and once she gave me a tour of her hat closet. Wayne had a special closet built for her with shelves to the ceiling, each holding a hat with a story. When Wayne was a young professor and money was scarce, Pauline saved her change from groceries each week to buy her first hat. Louisville did not have a hat store then so she traveled to Lexington to buy that hat. It was crafted in New York City by a famous hatmaker. She showed it to me and told me she still wore that hat and loved it. Whenever we saw each other at church or a party or any other function, we would nod and smile, each wearing our hats and perfectly happy.
The last time we saw her dementia had required her son to place her in a facility. Sitting in her chair, she greeted us just as she always did, smiling and kind. She had no idea who we were but her essential kindness and concern were still the outward signs of her gracious soul undimmed by the glaze of dementia.
There are not enough ladies like Pauline Oates in this world and we are the poorer for her absence among us. Never stuffy or overly concerned for her own self, she knew her gifts and was assured and competent. As a young seminarian’s wife, Pauline was both friend and stand-in favorite aunt for me. She was one of my teachers in the art of hospitality and I will remember her every time I set a table, serve a guest or wear one of my hats. God bless you, Pauline Oates for the gracious attention paid to everyone who was around you. I am still trying to live up to the vision you had of who I was and could be. Thanks for the memories...