Rules to live by...

One of the great gifts of grandparenting is watching your children rear children. The old Biblical proverb of the sins of the fathers (not mothers, thank you) being visited upon the heads of succeeding generations comes alive before your eyes as you watch a grandson act out the very same way his mother did at his age. The gene pool is as strong as straight Clorox bleach sometimes.
As a child of my generation the rules for children were fairly simple and unequivocal. Children addressed all adults with the titles of Mr., Mrs., or Miz (Miss) before their names. When answering an adult’s question, or if making a response to an adult, ma’am and sir were spoken as a sign of respect. There were no exceptions to this rule. We were allowed great freedom to roam by today’s standards but held to a stricter code of behavior than most of today’s children.
We were protected from the knowledge of the Tree of Life with parents speaking in hushed tones away from children’s ears about the painful, the sordid, the evil that comes into all our lives as grownups. Globalization had not been invented and children did not see images of war and starvation in living color on the television in the living room. Sex was not a commodity to be marketed to young girls in music videos and clothing but a subject of much heated discussion in the seventh and eight grades. Those who knew or thought they knew the “facts of life” were all too happy to share this knowledge with those poor souls who were still out to lunch. I was still out to lunch until I turned thirty. Innocence was a virtue in those days.
In the latest Christian Century, Sheena Iyengar reports on a survey of 600 people ranging in belief systems from fundamentalists to liberals. Her findings were not what you might expect. It turned out that the folks most likely to suffer from depression and pessimism were Unitarians and atheists. Those who lived with rules seemed to be empowered by them, have more hope and optimism than their more liberal counterparts. Any mother or father from my generation could have told her that. Children who grow up with clear boundaries and discipline are almost always the ones who navigate life successfully. The trick is not in having rules and regulations. The trick is to create a clear consistent system that reflects your family’s values and then living by that system.
And therein lies the rub... living daily what we say we believe. Whether we are raising children or raising ourselves, we often say one thing and do another. Paul knew that dilemma all too well. What we ought to do, want to do, should do, we don’t do. And, what we oughtn’t to do, don’t want to do, shouldn’t do, we do. Rules are reminders of ways to be our better selves. Children (and their parents and grandparents) need these road signs to help us remember how to behave. Be ye kind. Love God and your neighbor as yourself. Brush your teeth everyday. Eat lots of vegetables. Love one another as I have loved you. Wait your turn. Tell the truth. Respect your elders. (Now that I am an elder I really like this one.)
Oh, God, I am not so good at living what I say I believe. Help me this day to remember the Golden Rule and do unto others as I would have them do unto me. And if I make it through this day, Lord, would you help me tomorrow, too, please? Peggy