On the cusp...

There is a magic time in the morning... the night song of the crickets is punctuated by the rooster’s voice as the bagpipe drone of the crow’s song hums along... light creeps ever so slowly over the distant mountains out my bedroom window and I lie here listening and watching as a new day dawns. The quality of the morning light changes in late summer. Drier, dustier in the late summer heat, morning light has lost some of its sparkle and lays heavy on the land as it slides up our hill.
Mama bear and her three cubs are ever present searching for food as autumn draws near. Bird feeders, trash, compost piles, and duck feed draw her to us and she makes the rounds of all the farm family to feed her three babies. I spotted the white turkey last week walking on the Sound of Music Hill in the middle of the flock. It was the first time I had seen her in months. The turkey chicks are nearly grown now, their numbers decimated by predators. The bluebirds and indigo buntings have raised their families and are not as visible as they were in the spring and early summer. We are on the cusp of autumn... the pointed end of summer not quite yet fall... an in-between time... a magic space where you don’t know what will come next.
Transitions in seasons, like our life transitions, can be a time to catch our breath, consider our possibilities, look ahead while we look back, get ready for the future while we give thanks for the past.
It has been a busy summer for us here at Sabbath Rest Farm full of family, gatherings, hay baling, restoration work on the old high barn, vacation at the beach, deaths of ones dear to us, new lives entering our world, house maintenance and fence building, the changing of the guard with a new young black Angus bull coming to live with the herd. Nothing is ever really settled forever. There is always something to be done or someone to set a spell with.
I read the 73rd Psalm this morning and there I found words for my time of transition. The writer is so honest and funny and particular in his confessions and judgements. “Truly God is good to the upright, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had well nigh slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.” The writer then describes in great detail the prosperous wicked ones and they sound a lot like the same ones I envy. He then complains about being faithful in vain and says it is a wearisome task to try to understand how others flourish when the righteous suffer. And then comes the passage that I will carry in my heart this day as my life continues its shift into the cusp of old age.
“When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was stupid and ignorant. I was like a beast toward thee. Nevertheless, I am continually with thee, thou dost hold my right hand. Thou dost guide me with thy counsel, and afterward will receive me in glory. Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is nothing upon earth that I desire besides thee. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
As Michael begins his semi-retirement and the rhythm of our daily lives finds a new beat, as we contemplate the limits of our money and bodies and lives, as I get lost in the longing for more than I have, these words will call me back to myself when my steps slip and I stumble. I will remember that God is the strength of my heart and I will give thanks.
Looking back while I look forward, I see the many ways you have kept me all the days of my life, Lord, and I want to say thank you. As you have cared for me in the past, I trust you will continue to make my way plain as I live into the future that remains for me here on earth. Keep me gracious and if I act like a beast sometimes, forgive me for the fear and loss of trust that separates me from you. You are my portion, my destiny forever, God and I am grateful.