winterlight

The winter sun, a pale white circle, hung in the dove grey sky. The deep snow shone more brightly than the sun as i went to feed the cows. Two days of unexpected snow had added drama and beauty to the Christmas family gathering. Once again the weather forecasters were wildly inaccurate in their prognostications. The mountains rarely co-operate with those who would try to predict the passage of weather fronts through them.
And now, I sit in front of the fire, watching the clock and bracing up for the afternoon feeding of horses, donkeys and cows. Several of our cows are great with calf and one was born this week just before Christmas. As I drove from the barn to the field this morning, Noel, our newest baby, scampered in front of me. She ran through the belly deep snow, her tail held straight up, playing with Barney.
At night the lopsided moon, nearly full, blots out the starshine and is is brighter than the morning sun. Walking in the snow by moonlight is beautifully quiet and luminescent. There are no chores to do, no busyness, just the lovely light on the quiet snow. The sounds of the day fade as all of the farm animals, wild and domesticated alike, seek shelter and warmth in the midst of the storm. Dark, quiet, snowlight…
I have a friend who became a Quaker recently. Still angry with our faith birth mother who cast us out as unwanted children, he declared he refused to die a Baptist. The silence after the Baptist clamor, the search for inner light not the proclamation of a particular truth, is a Balm in Gilead for his wounded soul.
I was a child who desperately wanted to please and was terrified of failure. My feelings were easily wounded and as a new Christian at the age of twelve, I searched the Bible for a verse that could be my very own. That was the beginning of my love affair with the Psalms. And in that book of songs I found my verse… The Lord is my Light and my salvation: whom then shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Light…salvation…stronghold… It begins with the light, light that can only come with darkness. Fear, loss, illness, failure, death… these are the beginnings of light. Our culture does not value darkness of any kind. Eeyores are not allowed. Eternal Light is God, not we who are a pale winter sun reflection of our creator. Until we make our peace with our inner darkness, there will be no inner light.
Salvation is a dirty word in some religious circles these days. It smacks of sin and worms such as I for some Christians. It is a word that holds great promise for me, however. To be saved from my own darkness, to become my own true self as God created me to be, to live and die in Light of Love that never lets me go but leads me home, this is salvation.
Stronghold, a safe place that strengthens me, sends me back out into the scary world ready to love and lose again, to be a part of all creation as a Christian who is trying to reflect the Christ light from the inside out. I need a stronghold that reminds me to whom I belong, where I am going and how to get there. Not only a resting place, my stronghold is also a place where I "gird up my loins" . I always wondered how that was done. I figured it was akin to putting on pantyhose for Sunday church. I can go out putting my best self forward because I have been made ready, stronger, healed and forgiven in my safe place.
So in this wonderful season of light, Epiphany, I remember the source of my light and give thanks for a little baby boy born to be the Son of Light in a world of darkness. I remember the Lord who is my light, my salvation and my stronghold and am grateful for the gift of life with all its darkness and light. And for this season I will let my light shine. I will send my light. I will be light for those who walk in darkness. And when I walk in darkness again, as I shall, I will find my stronghold to rekindle the Light within and without. Peace and Light to all this Season of Starlight.