Mama went to church with us yesterday... Mother’s Day. As I sat by her before worship, Amy came in with her new baby boy and sat behind us. Cindy came in with her children Caleb and Katy... and her mom whom she is now mothering through Alzheimer’s. A young family, new to our church brought their son Leo to be baptized into the Family of Faith during worship. I spent most of worship thinking about mothering as a verb and as a noun.
In the paper this week there was an article about Alpha and Beta mothers. Alpha mothers reflect their own "super achieving" style in their parenting. Beta mothers are more laid back. In my mothering days, we called them pushy mothers... those who were never satisfied and always jockeying their children into the Advanced placement positions whether it suited the child or not... and regular mothers... those who saw childhood as a protected time with room to explore and be happy without adult expectations superimposed on their growing up.
My generation was the first generation to be told we could have it all. And, boys and girls were the same. So we raised little boys and didn’t give them toy guns but dolls. They made guns out of their hands and went on to save the world as they knew it from all sorts of evil. We raised little girls and taught them to be doctors instead of nurses, and CEO’s and they went to work as grown up mamas only to find out what their grandmothers already knew... you can’t have it all. Whether you worked on the farm or in the cotton mill or as a secretary or as a college professor or as the Chairwoman of the Board, as a woman and a mother, choices had to be made. You did the best you could for yourself and your child and tried not to feel guilty. Regardless of style or age, all good mothers share some common characteristics.
Good mothers give birth. For many, the act of giving birth to a baby is not possible but giving birth to our children is not just a one time happening. Everyday we give our children a new birth. We have the opportunity to help them be born into the Family of God in this world. As they grow and change, our job as labor and delivery coaches is to assist our children in their own birthing, to help them find their own song to sing, to equip them for each stage of expansion as they move towards adulthood, to celebrate the new creation they are and the creation they are becoming. So my mother took me to endless piano lessons as a child and never complained about the time she waited for me. Then she took me to recitals and other churches where I played the organ for real money and celebrated my skill, rejoiced in my becoming. She helped birth my love for music and saw that I learned the skills necessary for its becoming a part of my soul.
Good mothers are steadfast. They are present for the good times and the hard times. When a child is struggling, whether it is with school or other children or nightmares or fear of failure or managing success, good mothers are there. When the "livin’ is easy", good mothers are there to enjoy the moment. Their ability to be there for the long haul, to accompany their children as they travel through the mountains and valleys of growing up reminds me of Mother God... the name we gave our friend Pitts Hughes. She was Mother God to generations of young men and women. Her work in nursing schools, universities, seminaries and mission boards kept her close to many of us who needed her steady presence. When you became one of her children, you were hers for life, no matter where you lived. When we moved to Texas, Pitts would show up. Her work required her to mentor and supervise young people who were serving as short term missionaries. Somehow her long bus trips always seemed to include a stop over in Texas. Her body doesn’t co-operate with her spirit very well now so her trips are limited but all of us who are her children know she is with us always.
Good mothers know how to party. What else can a mother do but celebrate and party when given the gift of motherhood? It is both the most fun and the most pain you will ever have in your life. It is the most creative and the most boring of roles. It is a gift some days and a curse on others. It defines who you are for the rest of your life... once a mother, always a mother. Good mother, bad mother or indifferent mother, you will never be able to return to the time before you were a mother. You are changed in some essential way that defies definition, whatever your style... alpha or beta... pushy or relaxed... you are a mother for the rest of your life. Hip, hip, hooray!!! Bring on the spend the night parties, the lock-ins, the trips to amusement parks, picnics, camping, hiking, birthday parties, soccer games, high school musicals, life in the fast lane of celebration of growing up. Bring on the party... break out the noisemakers and the funny hats... loosen up and enjoy the ride... laugh more and yell less... don’t take yourself so seriously... have a blast as a mom. They all leave home eventually and you will need those happy memories to warm your heart in the winter of your life.
Good mothers are everywhere, not just in your family. Your aunts, your best friend’s mother, your piano teacher, your next door neighbor, your mother’s best friend... there is no shortage of mothers. Many mothers instead of just one provide many arms for encouragement and a broader view of parenting. We are called to mother one another and mother each others children. I am grateful for all the women who were second and third and fourth mothers for my children and for me. I didn’t have to do it alone. Nina and Toni and Judy and many others were my co-mothers. Thank God for the gift of their presence in my life and the lives of my children.
Good God who gave us mothers knowing what was necessary for our growth and our children’s growth, thank you for being our mother. Thank you for birthing us into your Family, for your loving arms that provide refuge in times of darkness, for your laughter that accompanies our growing up in your Love, for your healing touch for our booboos, for your steadfast presence in all our lives, celebrating our being in this world and the next. Happy Mother’s Day, God. I love you. Peggy
Monday, May 14, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
