A tame life... God on a leash

Most days I lead a pretty tame life and am able to keep God on a leash. Every now and then however, something powerful comes my way and I am reminded that my life is not tame and I do not have God under control.
This week has been the week of the bears. We have two different sets roaming the farm, one a mother with two cubs and another larger bear with a teenager. Usually they eat nuts and berries with an occasional pass at Jeannie and Tim’s birdfeeders. This week was the week of the chicken coop and eight of Michael’s chickens were on the menu.
Michael came home from work Thursday night and went to put his chickens up. He was gone a long time and when he came in, he told me five of his chickens were missing. I hadn’t heard anything unusual during the day and we figured whatever it was came during the night before he got home. When we surveyed the damage we saw the fence was bent over and the small back door to the coop was knocked cattywampus with the hinges hanging loose.
The next day, Leisa and I were in the living room playing…we were decorating for the fall season… when she heard a chicken squawk and Marley began barking. We ran out on the porch and saw the bushes by the coop shaking. Running down to the chicken yard, we looked over the fence and saw two bears, one large one, very very LARGE one. They were both eating chicken and crunching the bones. Three more chickens had met their Maker. Michael came and we herded the remaining chickens into lockdown inside the coop until a solution can be found.
Raw power, strength untamed in the shape of a bear sent my spirit reeling as I looked over the fence in my own soul. I am not comfortable with power. It scares me. Naming and claiming my own power has been a lifelong uncompleted journey with side trips to the carnival of passive aggressive behavior. People with power do not scare me particularly thanks to my Virginia grandmother. She gave me a strong dose of where I come from, who my people are, and instilled a feeling of pride in my family’s past. That inoculated my spirit and kept me safe from those who claim power based on money, background, accomplishments or religion.
Dealing with my internal power, the power that is a reflection of the God who created me, is an altogether different matter. It is easy to hide my eyes, to refuse to see the power that lives within my soul. If I claim this power and name it, then, I will have to be responsible for using it, wisely or otherwise. If those who believe in reincarnation are right, this is one of my unlearned lessons waiting for my next life.
If I cannot believe in my own power and strength, how can I believe in God’s power and strength? Or is this one of those paradoxes so common in life? I have to believe in God’s power before I can claim my own. It seems to me it goes both ways and one way without the other is lopsided. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
God’s power is beyond my ken. I cannot fathom its limits or its potential. Anne Lamotte was right. I should wear a crash helmet when I pray. If I am a reflection creation of God, my power is present in ways I cannot fully understand or appreciate. But it is there nonetheless, waiting for me to discover and use it for God’s good. Help me, God, this week to stop running from myself. Lead me to a dark cave, a place and a time to listen to you, to find my full self, my power-full self so that I might be a force for you. May your force be with me as I flex my wings and seek my strength. Amen.