the tune for dancing is in its place...

I had a hard time settling to sleep last night. I got to gnawing on the bone of a painful decision and couldn’t put it down. Somewhere in the gnawing time, I remember wondering how other people make difficult decisions. Eventually I was able to let go of this particular bone and slip off to sleep.
In the Bible, folks cast lots to make decisions. That seems random and left to chance to us in this day and age. From their perspective, God controlled the decision so I imagine there was a relief in letting go of the responsibility to decide. Heads, I win... tails, I lose. Eeeny meeny miny moe...
Friends of mine formed a clearness committee when faced with a thorny decision that seemed to have no way through the tangle of what ifs. With the help of a few trusted people, they came to a moment of clarity and a way opened up through what had seemed to be an impenetrable impossible impassive problem.
Michael is fond of pro-con lists. In the process of writing down the opposites, often he finds the decision being made as the concrete words pile up. The pro list measured against the con list helps him consider all the facets of the decision. Every now and then, though, a problem presents itself as a choice between two goods or two evils and then the list isn’t much help.
And then there is my decision making process... Some might call it decision by default but I choose to call it waiting on the Lord. When there is no clear easy answer to a question, I go to the wilderness and wait. The wilderness used to be a scary place for me but it has become a familiar resting place for my soul as I sit with the silence and wait.
When I read the stories of Moses going up on the mountain to wait for God’s revelation I am reminded that I need to remove myself from the daily grinding and chewing on the decision. Like Jesus I can choose to enter the wilderness, be still, trust that guidance will come and it will. The wilderness is a state of mind I can visit as many times as I need to in the course of my daily living. While I muck stalls, I can let my heart and mind rest in the wilderness. As I wash clothes and mop floors, I can climb the mountain and listen for the voice of the Lord. When I am teaching, my soul can feel the First Creator all around me helping me create a new place to be.
It is a dance in my life moving from engagement to withdrawal. In both places I find traces of God’s presence. The difficulty lies in knowing when to grab hold and when to let go. In the waltz, one of my favorite dances, the process seems deceptively simple. The graceful bending sweeping circling turning holding close letting go dance is how I want live with God. Like Iris DeMent’s song, I find it difficult to “make the melody sweet but when I lay down the hours, leaving not a trace, the tune for the dancing is in its place. Sweet is the melody and so hard to come by, its so hard to make each note sound just right, but the tune for dancing is in its place”... The dance floor awaits... All I have to do is listen to the music and step out on the dance floor.

an Iris DeMent frame of mind....

I am in an Iris DeMent frame of mind. Bleached blue hot dried out sky... brown dying pasture that provides a soundtrack when you walk over it... no rain to speak of in a month and the earth is baked as hard as a potter’s bowl... no more hay to be cut this season because the drought is sucking the life from our wells, rivers, streams and farms. So I put on a cd, turn the music up loud and sing along, weep along, laugh along with Iris DeMent as she sings what my soul is feeling.
The cd is titled “My Life” and was a favorite of our friend Gary as he faced his death and lived well in spite of it. “No Time to Cry, Troublesome Waters, Easy’s Getting Harder Everyday, I’m Gonna Dance the Shores of Jordan, My Life” ... The words and melodies remind me, prick my heart, send me reeling down the highways and dirt roads of my past until I find my prayers trickling down my cheeks.
This music would have been wasted on me in my twenties and thirties. I had not lived long enough to know the truths of life. No tear is wasted. People die fairly and unfairly. Life is never easy. I can choose to dance on the shores of Jordan until the angels come to carry me or I can sit in sackcloth and ashes, wailing and moaning. My life is just a part of a much larger reality but I did give my mother and father joy, make my lover smile, see new life come into being and catch a glimpse of life beyond this life. I have loved and been loved. I am grateful for all I have been given. The pain and the joy in my life are but a two sided mirror reflecting the fullness of a creation that holds drought and rain, noisy wind and peaceful silence, light and dark.
I, like God’s earth, am never just one or the other but am always suspended between opposites. Living in this creative suspension can be hard for me when I am faced with a decision I need to make, a choice, some life changing options that are not marked with a blazing pillar that leads me to the “right” way. I want answers, clear guides. Waiting, watching, praying, and listening is not easy when I feel like shaking God until I get some response Easy does get harder every day.
For all those who were in worship Sunday morning at the Unitarian church in Knoxville, confronted with sudden harsh senseless for no good reason death and dying in the midst of life and laughter, troublesome waters are swirling around their heads. For those of us who saw the scenes on screens... wild haired assailant who hates liberals... weeping women and men... bewildered children... teenaged girl holding flower bouquet... we swim in the same swirling waters.
Our choice as Christians is a simple one. “So we know and believe the love God has for us. God is love and he who abides in love, abides in God... There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and those who fear are not perfected in love. We love because God first loved us.” 1John 4:16-19
This day I can choose to live embraced by that Perfect Love and cast my fears aside. Drought and rain, life and death, joy and sorrow are all laid to rest in the loving arms that hold me close. It is more than enough.