Im Sorry... sooooo sorry

One of the first lessons you learn as a child is how to say "I’m sorry", usually because you hit someone for behavior you considered offensive. You would be forced to mutter the words, extend a hand or give a hug to seal the deal. Forgiveness was a done deal in spite of the feelings of the two parties concerned, the hitter and the "hittee". For most folks, this view of "I’m sorry" carries over into adulthood. Saying the words is enough. No wonder apologies have become popular. Everyone... Paris Hilton, Mel Gibson, churches, governments, politicians and sports heroes... are offering public apologies for all sorts of behavior, past and present. This process of public apologies intrigues me.
Formal public apologies have their place. Churches can apologize for destruction of indigenous peoples religion by well intentioned missionaries. Governments can apologize for past behavior to ethnic groups like African Americans, Japanese and Native Americans in our country. Public figures of all kinds can apologize for offensive public behavior. This is all well and good but it is not enough.
I was taught in church that the words "I’m sorry" should be accompanied by another word not heard much any more... repentance. This word carries more weight, implies a process of recognition of wrong done and promise of change in the future. The only way an apology can have any meaning that one can count on is for repentance to take place. The twelve step folks have it right. First you say you are sorry, then you prove it... repentance in action.
John the Baptizer believed in repentance. His trademark was "Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand". Matthew 3:2 I like the eighth verse better. "Bear fruit that befits repentance". How can I bear that fruit in my daily living?
Old time churches had a mourners bench set aside up front. When you felt the need for public confession and repentance, you could go to the mourners bench and sit. If you needed to, you could say something, or you could just sit there and pray. Often the preacher or a deacon would come sit with you, pray with you and be present for you in your time of trouble. Confession is more than just saying "I’m sorry". Confession is a soulful process that recognizes the damage done to oneself as well as to the souls of others by our behavior. It is painful, honest, awkward, and difficult. Often I envy the Catholic ritual of confession. The rules are clear and the response is immediate. There is a place and a person to hear you, a pattern to follow for repentance and forgiveness. Our Protestant model, the priesthood of the believer, puts the responsibility for this on each person. Some of us do better than others with this job.
It seems to me that I must have a ritual that suits my need for confession and forgiveness. Sometimes this ritual comes in corporate worship but not always and hardly ever when I need it the most. Public worship these days for me, in most churches I attend, is good at naming the peace and social justice sins but doesn’t offer much help with how I repair my relationship with someone I have offended... how to name the places where I have caused hurt... what to do when I want to say I’m sorry and mean it.
Perhaps I need to have a mourners bench and ask some friends to sit with me... hear my confession and I will hear theirs...offer words of forgiveness and accountability. We could sit together at church, during the offertory write our confessions and share them with one another, be priests for one another in our daily lives. What a scary prospect... would they still love me when they really know me? I would need to start with the smallest sins on my own personal Seven Deadly Sins list. I wouldn’t want to blow myself or my friends out of the water the first time. And I wonder what the fruits of our repentance would be? Kindness, long suffering( another way to say patience), love, Christian community? I’ll be on the right front, third row down, if you want to join me Sunday. Here goes...